Lost

Has it ever happened to you to feel you have lost it?! Lost it! I mean lost the focus, the aim, the purpose, the string, whatever was keeping you doing it. Have you ever lost it?!

Jurasic Coast, Close to Durdle Door.

I think I have! I was busy doing a PhD, everything was postponed to "after PhD". I had no time to think of anything else. I had to power through and finish the PhD and so it stopped me from thinking about all I had to thought of! I had to do that, there was no other way! But now... now that it has all ended, it seems I have ended. It seems my purpose has ended. It seems I am empty of aim, of objectives, of goals, of life.

I always thought if people feel they can die now and it is the end, something is truly wrong with them; but it feels I can easily die now. I'm not sure if this is the end but at this very moment, I can end it like this. 

Have I gone crazy? Is something wrong with me?! Or hopefully I am just tired and the long lasting wait for my "After PhD" life has only knocked me down and I need a refreshment. I need a break. I need home. I need home.